Gay dating herpes

A few less than 5 guys balked and I never heard from them again but most did some research, asked me some questions and then we went on to have an awesome, healthy sexual relationship. It also helped me to remember that a guy choosing not to have sex with me because I had herpes wasn't a reflection on me or a rejection. They were just making a choice and I think most of them just didn't like the idea of having to be SO careful all the time, something I could totally relate.

You don't have to be disgusted with yourself. At worst you made a mistake, one which lots of people make, and maybe ended up with more far reaching consequences.

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Herpes certainly made me feel a little ashamed and self-conscious for awhile but it faded. I'd be happy to answer other questions if you want to memail me. Sorry this happened to you. Contracting any STI sucks.

You have just an area of discoloration? Definitely wait and talk to a doctor before you let this get you down. I went to get something checked out recently that I'd been convinced was somehow STI-related. Not only did that turn out NOT to be the case, the doctor was somewhat incredulous that something so minor would have led me to that conclusion, or to his office.

People overthink their junk. And with good reason I suppose, but honestly try to put it out of your mind until you know you have reason to worry. As a gay man who has HPV, let me reassure you that an incurable viral diagnosis will not spell the end to your dating life and will not require that you shuffle off to a convent to die a lonely celibate death.

I remember the feeling that you're having now: I was mortified when I discovered the symptoms, and immediately told the guy I was seeing that I thought I might have HPV, though I assured him that in our fooling around he had not been near them and that he was probably okay. Rather than berate me for potentially putting him at risk, rather than telling all my friends that I was a skank, rather than avoiding me like the Typhoid Mary I presumed myself to be Whether we should continue seeing each other. I was floored. HPV has changed my sexual practices somewhat, but it hasn't changed the regularity with which I have sex.

I have had several boyfriends in the two years since I was diagnosed and treated for HPV. The most common reaction to disclosure is "Oh, doesn't like, everyone have that? But here's the thing: Go get tested.

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Being Gay and having Herpes

Get diagnosed, if in fact it is herpes. Get on a treatment. And figure out how you plan to disclose this to future sex partners. There are a lot of helpful threads right here on MetaFilter which will assist you in crafting the perfect disclosure. And then get back out there. I promise. Excellent counsel above. As a straight guy who's had herpes for decades, I can confirm it feels terrible for a year or so, you feel dirty and scared and wonder if you'll have sex again and how you'll talk about it etc.

It's true you've got to disclose before you get too close, that's just basic ethics--it's the other party's choice whether to proceed, not yours. But I've never once, not once, had anyone say it's a dealbreaker, and in some cases it brought us even closer together, even before actual sex. I guess that's the power of truth-telling and creating trust. Like any other part of you that you can't change, you manage it. I think you'll find it's not a very big deal in the long run. But I remember how awful it felt at first, and I feel for you.

Dating With Herpes - gay love | Ask MetaFilter

Your symptoms do not at all indicate herpes from what you say. So you probably don't have it. I waited two years to have sex, because I was afraid of getting an STD. I did have sex with a guy a week before my outbreak, and I think I contracted it from him. The only part of my life that has really changed is my sexual life.


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I have to take it much more slowly. Casual sex and random hookups are not an option anymore. Do the people who know you have an STD treat you differently than they treated you before they knew? It was difficult to muster up the courage to tell a close friend, but it was worth it. In fact, it brought us closer together.


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Are you currently under treatment for your STD? If so, please share whether you have explored prescription medication, over-the-counter medication, or holistic and natural approaches. I have a prescription for Valacyclovir. Also, I take L-Lysine daily. Herpes was not an issue for him. He really respected the fact that I disclosed to him he thought it was hot that I took responsibility , and we agreed to take it slow.

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He also told me I was too interesting to let something like herpes get in the way of us getting to know each other. That was very healing to hear. However, my sex life with him was different than before.

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We never had anal sex, and we were waiting for both of us to be comfortable. We did everything else and had to get creative. Do you have a significant other? If so, how has this STD affected your partner? My last relationship ended for other reasons. The only reason I bring that up is to share how much of a non-issue herpes was to him.

I told him I want to take it slow. To be honest, taking it slow is the best thing for me. At first, I was devastated. I thought my dating life was over and that no one would love me again, ever. I now know that is not true, and I can have, and deserve, a loving and healthy relationship. I have a tendency to worry and obsess, so I really have to manage that properly. I get anxiety over disclosing to someone. Also, I still have a little shame about having an STD. But, this is my life now; so, I can either give in to the fear and hide alone — OR — I can face my fear and take a risk for falling in love.

Having HSV is not the end of your dating life or the world. It is a manageable virus that is not life-threatening.

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